When silence is too loud |
Picture this: a man, battered and bruised, cowering in the corner as his partner unleashes a torrent of violence upon him. This violence could be physical, it could be emotional or in most cases both. Shocking, right? But why does this scenario seem so alien to us? Why do we turn a blind eye to the silent suffering of men who endure domestic abuse daily? It’s time to rip off the veil of silence and confront the harsh truth. In this blog post, we aim to shed light on this sensitive topic which often is shrouded in secrecy. Let’s break the silence and address the issue of domestic violence against men. will unveil the hidden world of domestic violence against men, a topic often shrouded in secrecy.
Forget what you think you know about domestic abuse. This isn’t just a problem that women face. Men, too, are victims of this heinous crime. But hush! Don’t utter those words too loudly, for fear of being labeled a misogynist. This apprehension has trapped the issue behind a curtain of shame and denial. It’s time to break free from this suffocating stigma and start an honest conversation.
Let’s get real here. Domestic violence against men is not a myth. It’s a chilling reality that we must confront head-on. Society has conditioned us to believe that men are the strong ones, the protectors, impervious to harm. But behind closed doors, a different story unfolds. Men are subjected to physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, leaving scars that run deep.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room. It’s not just men who are to blame for these acts of violence. Women, too, can wield a weapon far deadlier than words. Domestic violence knows no gender boundaries. It’s a vile violation of human rights that can affect anyone, regardless of their gender. And here’s another alarming fact: children who witness such brutality in their homes often grow up to be ticking time bombs of aggression, their emotional well-being torn to shreds.
Setting the Record Straight
Before we proceed, it’s important to clarify what this article is not. It is not intended to downplay the severity or frequency of intimate violence inflicted on women by men. Nor does it aim to ignite conflicts or fuel gender wars. Instead, our objective is to objectively portray the occurrence of domestic violence against men and highlight the burden of silence that abused men endure every day.
Challenging Stereotypes and Marginalization
When you hear the words “domestic abuse,” and what pops into your mind? Probably a man terrorizing a helpless woman, right? Well, hold on to your seats, folks, because reality isn’t always what it seems. Brace yourself for a shocking revelation that might just make you question everything you thought you knew.
The powers-that-be, including heavyweights like the UN and WHO, have long perpetuated the idea that domestic abuse is exclusively a one-way street. They’ve got us all believing that women are the hapless victims, and men are the monstrous aggressors. But let’s take a step back and examine the evidence. Is it possible that we’ve been deceived all along? I think we have been tricked. Our society has been brainwashed into thinking that men are the only villains in the dark realm of domestic violence. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. While countless women do suffer at the hands of abusive partners, the narrative has overshadowed an equally important group: male victims of domestic abuse. Let’s face it, folks.Domestic violence isn’t a simple male-to-female equation. Both men and women can be perpetrators and victims in this chilling game. It’s a tangled web of power dynamics that can ensnare anyone, regardless of their gender.
We’ve been so focused on the damsel in distress trope that we’ve ignored a significant portion of the population silently suffering behind closed doors.This one-sided narrative has pushed male victims of domestic abuse to the sidelines, their cries for help falling on deaf ears. It’s time to lift the veil of silence and confront the uncomfortable reality that domestic violence knows no gender boundaries.
It’s time to break the chains of widespread preconceived notions and acknowledge the uncomfortable truth. Only then can we truly combat domestic abuse and create a world where everyone’s voice is heard.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence occurs whenever a person uses violence or other manipulative tactics to dominate or gain control over their loved ones.
The UN defines domestic violence as a behaviour pattern used in any relationship to acquire or perpetuate control and power over an intimate partner. It is sometimes referred to as “intimate partner violence” or “domestic abuse.”
It takes place between people who are intimately connected.
Domestic violence can present itself in a variety of forms, including psychological, economic, sexual, and physical aggression, as well as threats of harm. Abuse or violence includes any actions that frighten, manipulate, intimidate, inflict harm, degrade, or cast aspersions on another individual.
Abuse committed by women against men is frequently ignored by society. It is very common to make fun of or ignore men who are abused—even when they report to law enforcement agents, they are not taken seriously.
Sometimes, domestic violence against men begins—or increases—during a period of economic meltdown—when a man is unemployed or unable to meet some basic financial needs of his partner. Domestic abuse can aggravate a man’s mental health or push him into a risky lifestyle like drug or substance abuse.
Domestic abuse can include a variety of other forms of harm intended to dominate a person and put them in constant terror of the other. It is not necessarily physical abuse. it can can take many different forms, including: psychological abuse,sexual abuse,financial negligence varbal abuse
An imbalance between male and female victims of domestic violence
Throughout history, patriarchy has been entrenched in all levels of our societies. Under patriarchal systems, men are erroneously presumed to have an advantage over women, but this is not always the case in reality. Truth be told, the seemingly benefits patriarchy bestows on men as a group severely damage individual men in a variety of ways. Men under patriarchy system are damaged emotionally because it isolates them from their emotions and portrays asking for help as a sign of weakness. Thus, most men die silently in their mess without crying out for help. It also puts men under pressure to take unnecessary risks, thereby causing them to disregard their health and use drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Despite the overwhelming evidence that domestic abuse has a powerful and long-lasting impact on victims, the designation of “victim” has not been applied equally to men and women (Lysova et al., 2020; Seelau et al., 2003; Yamawaki et al., 2018).
This is due to a variety of factors, one of which is reporting bias. For a very long time, there has been systematically gender-biased reporting of victimization.
Another explanation for this is the pervasiveness of the masculinity myth. This myth promotes the idea that males should be strong and capable of protecting themselves as well as being able to handle their own problems. This makes it very difficult to believe that a woman can inflict physical injury on a man even when a man reports an incident of abuse.
Another reason for the low coverage of domestic abuse against men is that most men typically do not report incidents of domestic abuse, especially in Africa, out of fear that they could be seen as being weak. Those who dare to report to authorities or family members are frequently mocked or ridiculed by other men and society in general. Thus, most men who are abused by their wives are forced to lick their wounds in silence.
The imbalance between male and female victims of domestic violence is even visible in the legal system, as research indicates that women are more likely to escape punishment for domestic violence against males since they are typically viewed as victims rather than offenders (Felson & Pare, 2007).
In fact, In 18th-century abused husbands in France were ridiculed by society and were “forced to wear an outlandish outfit and ride backwards around the village on a donkey (Steinmetz, 1977-78).
In England, “abused” husbands were dragged through town tied to a waggon while being mocked and scorned by the locals. Such “treatments” for these husbands came from a patriarchal ideology that a man was expected to rule over his wife, not the other way around (Dobash & Dobash, 1979).
So you can see that men who are victims of domestic violence suffer a double tragedy. First, in the hands of the abusers, and secondly, in the hands of other men and society.
It is true that women are also victims of gender-based violence in most cases. However, highlighting women as the sole victims of domestic violence is very unfair and damaging to the silent community of stigmatized, battered men who suffer in silence and are frequently mocked or ridiculed by other men and society in general.
Furthermore, male victims domestic abuse are unlikely to feel safe coming forward to report their abuse as long as the widespread notion that men are always the pepertuators and women are always the victims persists.
Men who experience domestic abuse often face significant challenges due to the lack of policy frameworks and support systems designed to protect them. As a result, they suffer alone, burdened by shame, guilt, and psychological distress. This burden can manifest in various ways, including substance abuse, and in extreme cases, even homicide or suicide. It is crucial to acknowledge the impact of domestic violence on men and advocate for their well-being.
The prevalence of domestic violence against men
Domestic violence against men is real and entrenched in our society, where social structures “perpetuate and maintain unattainable gender roles for men.”
According to publications released by the American Psychological Association, men who are abused by their female partners may suffer from serious psychosomatic distress, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal thoughts.
According to a recent study, approximately 51.5% of men reported experiencing domestic abuse at some point in their lives, with 10.5% of those incidents occurring in the previous 12 months.
According to Coker et al. (2002), 23% of males and 29% of females have suffered psychological, physical, sexual, or intimate partner violence (IPV) over their lifetime.
According to Fink (2006), 7.6% of males in the United States have suffered intimate partner violence (IPV)
According to Barber, every 14.6 seconds, a male gets assaulted by his female companion. When men are the victims of violence, they frequently feel ashamed and are hesitant about what to do.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence(NCADV) estimates that in the United States each year, about 835,000 males are physically abused by an intimate partner. In addition, NCADV revealed that 1 in 14 men have experienced physical abuse at the hands of their wife, current wife, or ex-partner.
According to Statistics Canada data from 2014, the same percentage of women and men, or 4%, said they had experienced marital abuse in the previous five years.
Many men have reported that they also experience many of the same concerns linked to domestic violence as women, including stalking. According to hg.org, approximately 5.1 million males claim to have experienced stalking at some point in their lives.
Furthermore, one out of every 71 males reports having been raped by a person they know, with 29% of these men claiming that the rape was carried out by an intimate partner.
What are the symptoms or signs of domestic violence against men
Domestic abuse comes in a variety of forms, including:
- Physical aggression—resort to beating,bullying, slapping, and biting.
- Psychological and emotional blackmail (shouting, insults) She lashes out on you at the slightest provocation.
- Being ignored or shut out in decision-making; having all decisions made without your input. This is her mechanism for gaining and maintaining control in your relationship.
- Social isolation; will do everything to isolate you from friends and relations and all sources of support.
- Domineering antics-seeks to control your time, attention, and social life. She uses this to break or control you.
- Jealousy and possessiveness: act jealous and suspicious of your relationship with members of the opposite sex, even if there is no reason to.
- Blame you always when things go wrong to make you feel guilty.
- Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance? They always threaten you that you will not see your children again.
- They always make you feel worthless and as if you can’t live without them.
- Always deride you in public, even before your friends.
- Punishment through character assassination or destroying relationships, objects, or properties you are sentimentally attached to.
- Sabotaging educational or employment opportunities by stalking at work or harassing/fighting you before an important meeting, locking you up inside the room, or denying you access to a vehicle so you can’t get to work.
- Engage in wasteful spending so as to put you in debt.
- Making surprise and unwanted visits to your workplace to embarrass you
- Tapping your phone or hiring a private investigator to trail
- Always wants you to talk or dress in a certain way and will always compare you with other men.
- They always ignore your feelings when it comes to sex and will even demand sex from you after abusing you or when you are tired or sick.
Common causes of domestic violence
- Suspicion of Adultery– The foundation of the marriage should be one of trust and faith. However, when trust is damaged, it can lead to domestic violence in marriage. If one partner believes that the other is violating the sanctity of marriage by cheating on them, they may consider resorting to violence as a solution. Suspicion of adultery can make a partner resentful and encourage opportunity-driven crime and violence.
- Economic downturn and loss of job– Domestic violence is more likely to occur among those who are in severe financial difficulty.
Men who are jobless or in finacial distress are twice as likely to be victims of domestic abuse. The fact that victims of abuse in condition of poverty frequently lack the resources to leave the circumstance is one of the main causes of this tendency. - Self Defense- Self-defense can also be an obvious contributor or cause of domestic violence. Violence could be employed by a partner, either to prevent an attack or to stop abusive behaviour.
This implies that if one partner uses any type of violence, the other partner may imitate it. However, if one partner exerts a significant amount of power over the other, the other partner may also take action to resort to domestic violence.They may view this as a last-ditch effort to balance the power. -
Drug and alcohol use: Drug and alcohol use usage can both cause and contribute to domestic violence.
drug and alcohol use can be major contributors to and causes of domestic and family violence.
This may result in one partner continuing their pattern of abusive conduct.The risk of domestic violence increases when substance abuse is involved. If this addiction is not treated early enough, it can result in habits being entrenched and a persistent need on the part of the partner who is struggling with the vice to maintain and dominate the relationship. -
Difference in social class– It is not required for two people from different socioeconomic classes to be aware of each other’s social status differences when they decide to get married.
At first, it could seem exciting, but over time, socioeconomic class gaps can contribute to domestic violence in many ways. If couples don’t take conscious steps to accommodate differences in their socioeconomic status and upbringing , this might result in misunderstandings and even domestic violence.
Why do majority of battered men remain in toxic relationships?
Some men stay in toxic relationships because they still love their wives; others stay despite the daily humiliation because they do not want to lose custody of their children to their abusive spouses. There is another group of men who appear to be buried in the mess.
These are those who sought assistance but received an unfavourable response and then gave up fighting. Perhaps they ventured out in the hopes that someone would pay attention to them, but instead of help, they got mocked and ridiculed on top of their injury.
How to break the cycle of abuse?
You don’t need to live in denial and there is nothing to be ashamed of. You may be concerned about stigma and what others will think of you if you open up about the abuse. Please note that men have the same right to safety as everyone else.
The following advice may be helpful:
- Consider who you tell about your situation; telling the wrong person can aggravate the situation.
- Don’t live in self-pity and feel guilty about your condition. Being abused does not make you less manly, as society would have you believe. Keep in mind that it is not your fault.
- Get support from someone you trust: You may be concerned that people will not believe you if you tell them. For this reason, finding a trustworthy person is crucial. Professionals like the police, a doctor, a religious leader or a counsellor are sometimes the best people to talk to.
- You also need to file a police report.
Conclusion
Domestic violence is completely inappropriate no mather who is the victim. It is usually as aresult of several different behaviours. Even if you are bigger or stronger than the woman, you must take aggression against you seriously since minor incidents can grow into more deadly circumstances. It’s crucial to spot these indications as soon as possible and seek help.
References
Barber, C. F. (2008). Domestic violence against men. Nursing Standard, 22(51), 35-39.
Coker A.L, Davis K.E, Arias I, Desai S, Sanderson M, Brandt H.M, Smith P.H.(2002) Physical and mental health effects of intimate partner violence for men and women. American Journal of Preventative Medicine. ;23:260–268. [PubMed] [Google Scholar]
Dobash, R. E., & Dobash, R. P. (1978). Wives: The “appropriate” victims of marital violence. Victimology, 2, 426-442.
Felson, R. B. & Pare, R. P. (2007). Does the Criminal Justice System Treat
Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Offenders Leniently?
Fink, P. J. (2006). Intimate partner violence. Clinical Psychiatry News, 34(10), 18.
Mercy, J.A. & Saltzman, L.E.(1989) “Fatal violence among spouses in the United States, 1976-85” American Journal of Public Health 79(5): 595-9
