Having an itch you can never scratch|
Hey there, dear readers!
Today, I’m diving headfirst into a subject that hits close to home for countless women across the globe. Picture this: a young girl, desperate for the unwavering love and guidance of her father. But instead, she’s left with an agonizing void, a wound that never truly heals. We’re talking about the haunting “Father Wound.”
Now, you might be thinking, “Hold up, Buddy, what’s this ‘Father Wound’ you’re blabbering about?” Well, my friend, it’s the gut-wrenching experience that children face when they’re denied the affection and connection they so desperately crave from their fathers. It’s like having an itch you can never scratch.
But why is this so important? Because it shapes the very core of who these women become. The Father Wound casts a long, dark shadow scar on children, impacting their relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being. It’s like a silent storm brewing within their souls, causing havoc in their lives.
In this gripping blog post, we’ll delve deep into the intricate layers of the Father Wound. We’ll explore its profound effects, unravel the reasons behind its existence, and empower daughters to heal and reclaim their lives. Brace yourselves, my friends, for a journey into the painful reality of the Father Wound. Together, we’ll bring it out of the shadows and into the light of understanding. Stay tuned!
What is Father Wound?
The father wound or “daddy issues” is an emotional scar caused by poor or unhealthy relationships with our fathers. We experience an unresolved father wound when we feel unhappy of about our fathers in certain way, whether it’s because they were absent or emotionally unavailable, abusive, or simply weren’t effective at expressing their feelings.
Except your childhood was impeccable and his father figure was flawless and didn’t have a weakness, you cannot escape childhood with a deep psychological and emotional wound caused by your father.
Father wound is more profound in girls than boys because girls have an innate desire to be admired, cherished, and validated by their father.
A girl’s father is the first man she ever loves. A father-daughter relationship not only affects a girl’s self-image and confidence, it also helps her grasp and navigate the world of men and gives her the capability to engage with men.
If a father is physically or emotionally absent or abusive and deprives his daughter(s) of affection and validation, she may grow up with an intense need for male validation, which she may redirect to other men.
A girl who has never had a father or who had an absentee father grows up questioning whether she is “good enough” to be a woman. She will end up in relationships with men who would abandon her and hurt her just like her father because she has grown accustom to associates bonding with a guy with pain and abandonment.
Numerous important research have thoroughly examined the effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) on adult health. The term “ACEs” comes from the ground-breaking CDC-Kaiser Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, which found a link between childhood trauma and the development of chronic illnesses in adulthood, such as heart disease, depression, and other mental illnesses, as well as violence and being a victim of violence.
Most of the problems many women face as adults today are traceable to their father’s absence during their childhood. Whether a father was present but unavailable, or completely removed from his parental responsibilities, a father’s absence casts a lingering scar on a daughter’s psyche that stays with her all her life.
Allow me to illustrate this with a little encounter I had with a young girl. To protect her identity, I will refer to her as Jessica .
Some years back, a young lady named Jessica, who was in her late teens, walked into my office looking very dejected and sad. At first, I thought that she must have fought with her someone. When I asked what was the matter, she started crying; I tried to comfort her but she was uncontrollable. I sensed her heart was in great distress, so I let her relieve herself. After some time, she explained to me that it had to do with her father.
My heart stopped when she mentioned it had to do with her father because I thought the worst had happened to him. My assumption, however, was completely incorrect. She told me afterwards that she was grieving because she felt unloved by her father. That she had came to my office because she was experiencing suicidal thoughts and wanted to flee her house. She needed support and to get some emotional relief.
According to Jessica, she was looking for an alternative to her home where she could be free from the burden of living in a hell of a home—a new place where she would be loved. She said she would do anything to have a father who is present and emotionally available.
She went on to tell me that each time she visits her friends and observes how they relate to their fathers—the love and tender care—she felt so envious of them and, at the same time, feels a deep resentment for her own father for robbing her of such an amazing experience.
I know many of you must have concluded that she must have been a product of a broken home—far from it, this young damsel was not from a broken home, nor was her father dead. She had a father, a very successful businessman, well known in the community. The father never faltered in meeting all her material needs, but she still felt emptiness because of her father’s emotional unavailability. Jessica suffers from father wound.
Is there anything in this story that speaks to you?
We are all born with father hunger
Many girls, like Jessica, grew up with fathers who were successful at work but failures at home. Are you one of them? Fathers who were never truly involved as nurturers in the lives of their daughters’. Although, they provided for their daughters’ material needs, they were surprisingly missing when it came to satisfying their daughters’ emotional needs, such as affection and validation.
According to some psychologists, we are all born with “father hunger”—the need to have fatherly validation, approval, understanding, and love—as well as the desire to grow up with a feeling of security and authority that provides a level of structure necessary for a child to thrive and soar.
Father hunger can turn into father wound if a child does not experience any kind of fatherly care and support, either as a result of marital breakup, neglect, bereavement, imprisonment, or the fact that the father was just not there owing to work priorities or blatant maltreatment.
You see, not every man is eligible to be called a father. Some men are nothing more than scoundrels who go about deceiving society because we live in a world that bestows honour where it does not belong.
Also Read: The Agony Of Having A Present But Absent Father
The young girl in my story was not emotionally damaged by outsiders rather by her own biological fathers.
At the time I met Jessica, she was already vulnerable and at the mercy of predators.
There are many young girls all around us like Jessica, who go about with scars from their father. Girls and women who were deprived of father’s love, who go about searching endlessly for father’s love. I am referring to young ladies who fall prey to callous men every day because they are looking for validation from their fathers.
I have equally come across adult women who mourn the loss of a father they never knew, of a relationship they never had. A loss that haunts them in perpetuity.
I’ve always wondered why most of these women seem mentally fixated and beleaguered by the imagery of a less than good father who was never available and who they hardly knew.
Everywhere I go, everywhere I turn, I see the likes of Jessica. I see them at the malls, on street corners, at every dating site, in fitness centers, even in worship centers; their longing and heart cry are the same; they are just searching for daddy’s love.
It’s likely you know Jessica or have seen someone who looks like her.
Or you probably know a man who fits the description of Jessica’s father or someone like him, the purveyors of her pain and sorrow.
Fathers have tremendous influence
Every girl child longs to hear their father say to them, “This is my beloved daughter, in whom I am well pleased.” The craving for fathers’ affection and validation runs deep in every girl’s inner self.
The absence of a father’s affection and validation in a girl’s life affects her negatively in so many ways, including early marriage, greater insecurity, low self-worth, marital instability, poor career-related decisions, and depression.
These detrimental outcomes are mitigated even more if father-daughter relationships are built on robust communication, trust, and increased degrees of interaction.
Fathers have tremendous influence over how their daughters turn out in the future.
Your daughter may suffer her entire life due to your absent or unsupportive nature.
Avoid exposing your daughters to potential negative influences and other coping mechanisms (drugs, sex, etc.).
Conclusion
Fathers, please understand the incredible power and obligation you bear as a father in safeguarding and shaping your daughter’s heart.
You create the foundation and structure for her future interactions with men.
Always create time and be with your daughter(s). Talk with her and reassure her of her own worth and importance.
Teach and guide her on how to behave in front of men, what to expect from men, and how she should be treated.
To all the fathers out there: rise up and take care of the angels you’ve been entrusted with; handle with the utmost care.
To all hurting daughters……..
Please remember, no matter how you were treated as a child, you are worth so much more.
Don’t give this horrible pain take away your power. Don’t let it take over your life.
Regardless of how any man has treated you, including your father
Regardless of what others think of you
Sweetheart, you are beautiful and amazing
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The Agony Of Having A Present But Absent Father
