Men Are Not Supposed To Cry |
As I sit down to write this post on “Men, It’s Okay to Cry,” a vivid memory from my childhood comes rushing back. I can still recall the day I was sternly rebuked by my father for daring to shed tears. It was a day like any other, filled with the carefree play of a child. But that day, I injured myself while playing in the street. Hurt and frightened, I ran home, tears streaming down my face, seeking comfort and reassurance from my father.
But instead of the consolation I so desperately needed, I was met with a harsh rebuke. My father, with a stern expression, told me to “man up” because, in his eyes, men were not supposed to cry. In that moment, a wave of shame washed over me, drowning out my pain. I quickly fell in line with the expectations laid out before me—expectations that would shape my emotional life for years to come. I learned to suppress my feelings, to wear a brave face, and to hide my vulnerability behind a mask of stoicism. This experience, like many others, taught me that expressing emotions was a sign of weakness, something to be avoided at all costs.
Yet, as the years passed, like many men, who were conditioned to believe that showing emotion was a sign of weakness, I began to reflect on those expirences , I realize how damagingemotional repression is and the toll this was taking on my mental health and relationships..
The societal pressures to conform to rigid definitions of masculinity can be overwhelming, leading countless men to suffer in silence. But what if we could redefine what it means to be a man?
What if crying—far from being a sign of weakness—was actually a powerful expression of strength and humanity?
In this blog post, we will explore the importance of emotional expression for men, the benefits of allowing oneself to cry, and how embracing vulnerability can lead to deeper connections and improved mental well-being. It’s time to break the silence and acknowledge that it’s okay to cry.
The Importance of Emotional Expression to men’s wellbeing
Crying is a natural human response to a wide range of emotions, from sadness and frustration to joy and relief. For men, allowing oneself to cry can be a powerful act of vulnerability. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes that “vulnerability is not weakness. And that myth is profoundly dangerous” (Brown, 2012). By embracing vulnerability, men can foster deeper connections with others and enhance their emotional well-being.
Furthermore, crying serves as a crucial outlet for processing emotions. According to Psych Central (2021), suppressing emotions can lead to various mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. Men are statistically less likely to seek help for mental health problems, often due to societal pressures that discourage emotional expression. The American Psychological Association (2018) reports that men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women, highlighting the dire consequences of emotional repression.
By allowing themselves to cry, men can confront their feelings rather than bottle them up. This act of emotional release can be cathartic, helping to alleviate stress and improve overall mental health. Research has shown that emotional expression, including crying, can lead to a reduction in negative feelings and an increase in emotional clarity (Vingerhoets, 2013).
Related Post: Redefining Masculinity:Embracing Vulnerability in Fatherhood
Related Post: 6 Strategies for Overcoming Toxic Masculine Stereotypes in Fatherhood
Breaking the Stigma
The stigma surrounding male emotions can have detrimental effects on mental health. Phrases like “man up” and “big boys don’t cry” contribute to a culture that discourages men from expressing their feelings. This internalization of pain often leads to anger, frustration, and unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse (Love Matters Africa, 2021).It’s crucial to create safe spaces where men can express their emotions without fear of judgment. Calvin Hong, co-founder of Awaken Generation, states, “Tears are the very thing that releases who you really are in your humanity” (Thir.st, 2021). By normalizing crying and emotional expression, we can create a culture that encourages men to seek help and support when needed.
The Benefits of Crying
Crying has numerous benefits, both emotional and physical. It can help relieve stress, improve mood, and even enhance emotional clarity. According to research published in Psychological Science, crying can lead to emotional release and a sense of relief, allowing individuals to process their feelings more effectively (Vingerhoets, 2013).Moreover, crying can foster empathy and connection. When men allow themselves to cry, they not only acknowledge their emotions but also set an example for others. This can help shift societal norms, encouraging younger generations to embrace their feelings without fear of judgment.
- Emotional Release: Crying allows men to release pent-up emotions, providing a healthy outlet for feelings of sadness, grief, or even joy. This emotional release can have a cathartic effect, helping to alleviate stress and improve mood (Psych Central, 2021).
- Stress Reduction: Emotional tears contain higher levels of stress hormones compared to reflex tears. By shedding these tears, men can help flush out stress-inducing chemicals from their body, promoting relaxation and well-being (Medical News Today, 2021).
- Pain Relief: Crying triggers the release of endorphins and oxytocin, which are natural pain relievers. These “feel-good” chemicals not only ease emotional pain but can also help alleviate physical discomfort (Harvard Health, 2021).
- Strengthened Relationships: Allowing oneself to be vulnerable by crying can foster deeper connections with others. When men cry in front of loved ones, it can encourage empathy, understanding, and a stronger sense of emotional intimacy (Psych Central, 2021).
- Improved Mental Health: Suppressing emotions, including crying, can have negative consequences for mental health. By embracing tears, men can better process their feelings, reducing the risk of developing issues like depression or anxiety (Psych Central, 2021).
It’s important to note that while crying can be a healthy coping mechanism, it’s also crucial for men to seek professional help if they are experiencing persistent emotional distress or mental health concerns. Therapy and counselling can provide valuable support and strategies for managing difficult emotions in a constructive manner.
Encouraging Emotional Health
To promote emotional health, men should be encouraged to express their feelings openly. This can be achieved through various means, such as:
- Open Conversations: Engaging in discussions about emotions with friends and family can help normalize vulnerability.
- Therapeutic Support: Seeking guidance from a therapist can provide men with strategies to cope with their emotions in a healthy way.
- Community Building: Creating supportive communities where men can share their experiences can foster a sense of belonging and understanding.
Conclusion
Men, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel deeply and express those feelings openly. Embracing emotional expression is not a sign of weakness; it’s a testament to your strength and humanity. By allowing ourselves to cry, we pave the way for healthier relationships, improved mental health, and a more compassionate society. Let’s break the stigma and redefine what it means to be a man in today’s world—one where emotional expression is celebrated, not shamed. Remember, it’s okay to cry; it’s okay to be human.
References
- Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.
- Love Matters Africa. (2021). Is it okay for men to cry? Retrieved from https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/is-it-okay-for-men-to-cry/
- Psych Central. (2021). It’s OK for Men to Cry. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-is-it-so-hard-for-men-to-cry
- Thir.st. (2021). Men, it’s okay to cry. Retrieved from https://thirst.sg/men-its-okay-to-cry
- Vingerhoets, A. J. (2013). Why Only Humans Weep: Unraveling the Mysteries of Tears. Oxford University Press.
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