Shattered Voices: Why Do Male Victims of Domestic Violence Stay Quiet?

The Silent Struggle|

Domestic violence against men is a serious but often overlooked issue that remains largely underreported. This silence is driven by a complex web of societal norms, beliefs, and cultural expectations that discourage men from coming forward. Traditional ideas about masculinity—where men are expected to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant—can make it difficult for male victims to admit they are experiencing abuse. Additionally, fear of being ridiculed, not being taken seriously by authorities, or facing skepticism from their own social circles often leads men to suffer in silence. Understanding these barriers is crucial for effectively addressing the problem and ensuring that male victims receive the support they need.

In this post, we will delve into the key factors contributing to the underreporting of domestic violence against men, shedding light on this hidden struggle and the steps society can take to break the silence.

1. Cultural Norms Surrounding Masculinity

Picture this: a man who’s tough, resilient, and never needs help. It’s a powerful image, but one that creates an impossible standard for many men suffering in silence. Cultural norms around masculinity paint men as the protectors, the defenders, and certainly not the victims. In a world where showing vulnerability is often seen as weakness, men are left trapped in abusive relationships, too ashamed to admit what’s happening behind closed doors. They fear that if they step forward, their masculinity will be questioned, their strength ridiculed. These deeply ingrained beliefs act like invisible chains, preventing men from seeking the help they so desperately need (Huntley et al., 2019). The stigma is real, and for many men, it’s easier to suffer in silence than admit they’ve been hurt. Society must start changing its perception of masculinity to allow men the space to come forward without fear of judgment.

2. Fear of Not Being Taken Seriously

Imagine the courage it takes for a man to walk into a police station or call a domestic violence hotline, only to be met with disbelief. “Men can’t be victims of domestic violence,” some might think. This damaging stereotype leaves male victims questioning whether anyone will believe them. Societal narratives frame domestic violence as a women’s issue, which often means men fear being ridiculed or dismissed when they try to report abuse. Worse yet, they might encounter skepticism from the very people meant to protect them. Studies reveal that men who do seek help often face unhelpful or dismissive attitudes from law enforcement and social services, adding to their feelings of isolation and helplessness (Kolbe & Büttner, 2020). It’s no wonder so many men feel trapped, their pleas for help going unheard. Society needs to take these calls seriously, providing male victims with the validation and support they deserve.

3. Internalized Stigma and Shame

For many men, the stigma doesn’t just come from the outside world—it’s internal. Society teaches men that needing help is a sign of weakness, and over time, many start to believe it. This internalized stigma becomes a powerful barrier, trapping men in a cycle of shame and silence. They may feel intense guilt, asking themselves, “How could I let this happen?” The fear of being seen as less of a man, combined with the emotional weight of their situation, makes it incredibly difficult for them to speak up. Instead, they bury their pain deep, choosing to endure the abuse rather than risk exposing themselves to further ridicule (McHugh et al., 2013). This emotional prison is one of the toughest barriers to break down, as it forces men to believe that they have no choice but to suffer alone.

4. Limited Awareness of Available Resources

When you think of domestic violence support services, how often do you picture them catering to men? For most, the answer is rarely. The harsh reality is that many support systems are tailored primarily for women, leaving male victims unaware that help is even available to them. Shelters, hotlines, and support groups often lack the visibility or marketing to make male victims feel included. This lack of outreach leaves men feeling like there’s nowhere to turn, further reinforcing their sense of isolation (Duffy et al., 2013). Without clear, accessible information on where they can go for help, men may never take that crucial step of reaching out. Awareness campaigns must expand their scope to ensure men know that support exists for them too.

5. Peer Pressure and Social Isolation

In many social circles, admitting to being a victim of domestic violence can be social suicide for men. The pressure to “man up” and handle things on their own is intense, leading many to hide their struggles from even their closest friends. Ridicule and ostracism are real fears that keep men from discussing their abuse. Some may worry that their friends will no longer see them as equals or worse, mock them for being unable to “control” their partner. The toxic pressure to maintain a façade of strength leaves men isolated, with nowhere to turn. The fear of social isolation is so powerful that many will endure years of abuse just to maintain the illusion of control (Gateri et al., 2021). Changing how we talk about domestic violence—especially in male-dominated spaces—is key to breaking this harmful cycle.

6. Power Dynamics in Relationships

Power dynamics in abusive relationships are often complex and deeply rooted in traditional gender roles. Many men feel trapped in these dynamics, manipulated into thinking that asserting their needs or asking for help would betray their masculinity. Abusive partners often exploit these traditional norms, reinforcing the idea that men should always be in control or that admitting to victimhood is a sign of failure. This dynamic makes it incredibly difficult for men to recognize themselves as victims, much less to break free from the abuse (Hines & Douglas, 2015). The result? A vicious cycle of manipulation and control that keeps men trapped in toxic relationships, feeling powerless to escape.

7. Lack of Training for Professionals

Here’s a shocking truth: many of the professionals trained to help domestic violence victims aren’t equipped to handle male cases. From police officers to counselors, the majority of domestic violence training focuses on female victims, leaving male victimization as an afterthought. This gap in understanding can lead to male victims being treated with skepticism or outright dismissal when they seek help. The professionals themselves may hold biases that prevent them from recognizing male victimization, further contributing to underreporting. This lack of training not only alienates male victims but also reinforces harmful stereotypes that only women can be abused (Northlake Behavioral Health, 2024). It’s crucial that training programs evolve to ensure that all victims, regardless of gender, receive the help they need.

Conclusion

Domestic violence against men is more common than society wants to admit, but the barriers to reporting remain high. Whether it’s internalized shame, peer pressure, or the lack of resources, men face unique challenges when it comes to seeking help. Society must shift its understanding of masculinity, recognizing that vulnerability does not equal weakness. Only then can we create a safe environment where men feel supported in reporting abuse, and only then can we begin to tackle this silent epidemic.

References:

• Duffy et al. (2013). Evaluating the Role of Social Norms in Fostering Pro-Environmental Behaviors.
• Gateri, M., et al. (2021). A Cross-sectional Study of Gender-Based Violence Against Men: Prevalence and Risk Factors in South Africa.
• Hines, D.A., & Douglas, E.M. (2015). Intimate Partner Violence Among Men: A Review of the Literature.
• Huntley, K., et al. (2019). Masculine Norms and Violence: Implications for Male Victims.
• Kolbe, V., & Büttner, A. (2020). Domestic Violence Against Men—Prevalence and Risk Factors.
• McHugh, M., et al. (2013). What About the Men? A Critical Review of Men’s Experiences of Intimate Partner Violence.
• Northlake Behavioral Health. (2024). The Unspoken Reality: Domestic Abuse Against Men